It's not a race

This pretty much sums up how I feel at the moment. I'm fed up with the competition cause I've realised there isn't one. It's not a race.

Though the scriptures speak insistently of the divine initiative in the work of salvation, that by grace we are saved, that the Tremendous Lover has taken to the chase, (our) spirituality still seems to start with self, not with God. Personal responsibility replaces personal response. We seem engrossed in our own efforts to grow in holiness. We talk about acquiring virtue, as if it were some kind of skill that can be acquired through personal effort, like good handwriting or a well-grooved golf swing. In seasons of penance, we focus on getting rid of our hang-ups and sweating through various spirtitual exercises, as if they were a religious muscle-building program.
The emphasis is always on what I do rather than on what God is doing in my life. In this macho approach God is reduced to a benign spectator on the sidelines. It orients us to attribute any growth in the spiritual life to our own sturdy efforts and vigorous resolutions. We become convinced that we can do a pretty good job of following Jesus if we just, once and for all, make up our minds and really buckle down to it. Well, if that's all there is to Christian discipleship, then in the words of the singer Peggy Lee, "Let's break out the booze." All we're doing is transferring the legend of the self-made man from the economic sphere to the spiritual one.